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Today’s fluff felt it pop out

According to the Daily Mail, Chelsea have made a £20m bid for Benfica’s Brazilian World Cup midfielder Ramires. Bayern Munich and Barcelona are also sniffing about. Ramires’s full name is Ramires Santos do Nascimento, which makes him sound a bit like Pele. His nickname is “The Blue Kenyan“, which makes him sound a bit like a type of highly dangerous genetically modified skunk.

Arsenal are “keeping tabs on” Mikel Arteta, the technical term for shooting him with a poison dart from a jeep and then attaching a blue ringpull to his ankle. Sunderland Fulham and Celtic are “caught in a three-way battle” to sign David James, which makes it sound like a bad thing.

Wigan want to buy Mexico left-back Carlos Salcido for £2m from PSV Eindhoven. Tony Pulis has had a £2m offer for Middlesbrough captain Gary O’Neil rejected by Gordon Strachan. Strachan wants to buy Dundee United winger Craig Conway, who does at least sound a bit like he might have played for Celtic, or like a composite of the names of some players who have.