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Today’s rumours have barely woken and it’s already 7-2

According to this morning’s Sun, change could be afoot at West Ham. Someone described as “Gianfranco Zola’s former chief” is hammering on the padlocked corrugated asbestos double doors at Upton Park’s lavish reception suite looking impatient and getting slush on the hem of his avocado slacks and waggling about an ostrich skin attaché case containing £50m. Italian Massimo Cellino, who is also president of Cagliari, wants to buy the club.

Respectable businessman David Sullivan is apparently “furious”. Cellino is described as both “a Miami-based entrepreneur” and “a wealthy crop farmer”.

The Mill isn’t saying anything. No. Omertà.

Outspoken Observer columnist and old goalkeeper David James is “on the brink of a shock move to Stoke City”. He could make his debut against former club Liverpool on Saturday if he’s not: a) unaccountably injured despite having the physique of a 19-year-old decathlete; or b) busy trying to think up a really good outspoken column. Amr Zaki is also joining Stoke for £1m from Zamalek of Egypt.

Philippe Senderos “fears his chance of first-team football with the Gunners has now disappeared”. Senderos also fears the assassination of Archduke Ferdinand may have dire and unexpected consequences, that the Soviet Union may one day throw off the yoke of collective economic control and that life in general may soon become much less fun than it was in about 2005 in so many unexpected ways.

Nigel Reo-Coker has refused to move to Blackburn and instead wants to “move closer to his family in London” presumably so he can just turn up at his sister’s house and expect her to feed him, and get his mum to wait in all day because the electric people are coming and then not really even say thank you properly.

Hull are looking to replace mid-range scampering wideman Stephen Hunt with mid-range scampering wideman Kris Commons. Wolves want to pay £3.5m for the “Irish ace”.

In the Mirror, Liverpool want to sign Reading goalie Adam Federici. His dad says he “would be mad” not to go to Anfield. “If I was advising him, in the big scheme of things, you’d have to be mad not to not to take it,” added Mr Federici, who seems to have a big thing about his son being mad and maybe knows something.

Frank Lampard says John Terry always “likes to have a wee in the right-hand side urinal” before matches. Roy Keane wants to sign Dele Adebola from Nottingham Forest and create a dream lumbering journeyman front pairing with overgrown mousey-blond man-child Jon Stead.

The Daily Mail says Steve McClaren wants to take ambling Arsenal tyro Jack Wilshere to FC Twente on loan. Twente are top of the league. Wilshere’s “advisers” think playing in Holland would be better than going to Burnley and being jostled a lot.

Alex McLeish is in a froth over striker Marc Janko who is 6ft 5in and has scored 67 goals in 92 games for unpleasant Austrian soft drink Red Bull Salzburg.

Everton are about to let Galatasaray have Lucas Neill and his enormous shorts for £1m. And Landon Donovan is really pleased about Everton fans chanting “USA! USA!” on his debut at the Emirates even though it’s always kind of a bit of a joke. “It was awesome,” he said, doing the “stir the pot” dance and drinking an enormous milkshake.

In the Times, Stefano Okaka Chuka’s agent has confirmed he will join Fulham on a six-month loan from Roma on Monday. Stoke still want Kenwyne Jones even though Steve Bruce says they can’t afford him. Bruce doesn’t want Younes Kaboul.

BBC Sport reports George Burley is up for the vacancy at Kilmarnock. Other candidates include Gordon Chisholm, Tommy McLean and Jimmy Calderwood.

According to Goal.com Bunyodkor of Uzbekistan have signed ageing excessive jink-merchant Denilson and Macedonian striker Stevica Ristic from Pohang Steelers. Bunyodkor are managed by Luiz Felipe Scolari. Rivaldo plays for them. It’s all frankly a bit odd.

And Benfica want to sign BATE Borisov left-back Maksim Bordachov as well as Rubin Kazan’s Cristian Ansaldi. “At this moment, no final decision has been made and the two clubs are in negotiations,” the BATE director of communications, Andrei Vaskevich. told Radio Renascenca, your first choice for all vaguely plausible but somehow still strangely distant-seeming Porto-Belarusian transfer tittle-tattle.

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 Steven Gerrard walks off the training pitch with the England physiotherapist, Gary Lewin. Photograph: Eddie Keogh/Reuters

Steven Gerrard has been ruled out of the World Cup qualifier against Belarus after being unable to finish the training session with England today. He walked off with the physiotherapist, Gary Lewin, midway through the session while the rest of the squad carried on. The midfielder will now sit out the game against Belarus and could also be forced to miss Liverpool’s game at Sunderland at the weekend.

Fabio Capello will also be without the injured Wayne Rooney but has said that Rio Ferdinand is certain of starting the Group Six qualifier after discussing his mistake against Ukraine with the coach. “Rio will play against Belarus,” Capello said. “I have big confidence in Rio. He will play and I’m sure he will get better with every game. I spoke with Rio, on Monday and this morning, and I will speak also with some other players. We will see the DVD of the game to understand what happened and I will see the mistakes.”

The goalkeeper David James was the only player to miss training completely while Gerrard returned to the dressing room midway through the session. James’s problem is not thought to be serious and the Portsmouth goalkeeper has not been sent back to his club. Gerrard, however, has returned to Liverpool for further treatment. “He didn’t finish training because the pain was the same as yesterday. He’s going back to Liverpool,” the England coach, Fabio Capello, said. “David James is not training. He had problems [with his knee] but is getting better. I will decide tomorrow whether he will play or not.”

Liverpool will fear that it is a recurrence of the groin problem which saw him have a scan after the defeat in Ukraine. Liverpool play Sunderland on Saturday, Lyon in the Champions League three days later and then Manchester United the following weekend in a crucial period for Rafael Ben